ATTENTION: RG SEC FOURS!

Barnard called us in and told us he didn't want to lose links with RGS just because of throughtrain. Being desperate for rg juniors myself, I have decided to promote the HWA CHONG HUMANITIES PROGRAMME here on my blog. No doubt they will be charmed and persuaded by my stupendous writing, if any of them ever come across this blog, that is.
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Ten reasons why RGS girls in the Raffles Integrated Programme (R.I.P) should join the HWA CHONG INSTITUTION (College Section) HuMANities Scheme.

1. College uniform - You get to wear your skirt the proper way, with at least four fingers of urm- waterproof/fireproof/camouflaged sack cloth showing above the pleat. Unlike in the other college, where four fingers refer to the length, the way we wear our uniform is definitely what is more befitting of a premier junior college, or college section, for that matter. PS: inconspicuous folks, and therefore less in need of mimicry, are free to reduce the number of fingers from 4 to anything between 0 and negative infinity, on the condition that they either have astounding psychic abilities (to anticipate spot-checks) or they have Perry as CT.

2. Sense of superiority - Derived from having a principal who is, lets say, inspiring and humourous in an unintentional way. Of course, he is hardly the benchmark for the linguistic ability of the institution, so don't be surprised if the rest of the college speaks English to you.

3. An exceedingly good record in PSC/firefly/SAF scholarships with the occasional President's scholar. Barnard claims that we have links to the Oxbridge admissions panel. (RJ has Harvard, but yeah, what’s the ivy league compared to the alma mater of our most venerated MM, pronounced 'hmm' for short.) So yes, there's nothing much stopping you from becoming an overseas scholar except your grades which, to one being labelled as the crème de la crème in the college, is of course, inconsequential. No one expects you to let them down.

4. Teaching styles are different here. Instead of stressing you out with multiple tests and piles upon piles of homework, the tutors adopt a far more subtle but still effective approach to motivate academic activity. A brief tour of the Humanities staffroom will bring you to the notorious whiteboard of fame, on which is inscribed the names of all your seniors and the scholarships and university places offered to them. I suspect the names are deliberately written in non-permanent ink to facilitate substitution with ours next year.

5. Out-of-this-world tutors- Unlike in RJ humanities where the tutors are heads of department of their own subjects, Hwa Chong humans tutors enjoy a highly relaxed (read: decadent) lifestyle behind the closed doors of the Humanities staffroom where they guzzle beer, eat polo mints and poke fun at unsuspecting authority popping by the door.

6. Lessons, or lack thereof – School on average ends at 1:20pm for the humanities student. On those days prior to productions however, school ends at 8:00am, or whatever time you wish to arrive (if you actually bother, that is.) The later part of the day would then be spent pigging out in the canteen or killing each other with one’s own definition of humour at the ‘cosy corner’ – the stretch of balcony outside the classroom which is a regular playhouse for ants, mosquitoes and humans alike.

7. Own LT, own classroom, own staffroom. A college within a college, which makes us HWA CHONG INSTITUTION (college (college section) section). But we are still all one big happy family of course, heck, some of us even go to the extent of attending sports day to maintain that relationship.

8. Enough growling. Take a break from cheering low and loud. Abandon the tongue-twisting compound names such as Hadley-hullet for the more edifying Greek pronunciations. Scoff upon flesh parades (…) and embrace the holiness of khaki shorts and white umbrella skirts.

9. RI guys in RJ

10. TCHS guys. (Save us from them!)

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anyone still interested, come down to hci with a stout heart and/or a carton of tiger juice for a nice chat with barnard regarding your application for direct admission into HCI next year. Or you could sms me first and we could sit down and have a discussion on how to get round Barnard; a long journey, no doubt.

personal plea: pleeeaaase come. i want juniors who can sing 'dedication', not 'hai tian liao kuo...'