The uncomplaining bound,
The dust fine-ground,
Stone-for-a-statue waveworn pebble-round.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
blockage cleared
Liberation liberation liberation!
haha. not that my elation's really justified, since I've hardly been what (considering hwa chong standards, ok no, considering ANY standard) one might consider 'hardworking'. So erm yeah! So happy to be erh....EVEN MORE SLACK THAN USUAL. :)
(mailto:%&@#*$*(#&$(#$^&$. Forgive me while i try to get the fact that prelims are like around 6 weeks away outta my head. )
Anyway, back to the point of feeling happy. Now i can watch the world cup in peace! yay. Though actually i think my new found interest in the game is more because i don't want to mug rather than because of actual interest in the game itself. But in a way i am happy i got distracted, since that means that i can blame whatever shitty grades I get on the world cup. (A world event! FAR FAR more important than blocks!)
Funnily though, every team I support immediately gets kicked out of the game. First it was Argentina, then Ukraine (shevchenko!), EVEN BRAZIL (kaka!). -_- Maybe some sort of sadistic girly instinct is trying to put me off the sport. (What are you doing staying up late for soccer! You could be midnight shopping at suntec!) But yeah, blocks are over so soccer may prove to be boring again. Not that my interest is really authentic anyway, its a fickle on-off sort of thing, heavily dependent on mood, other leisure alternatives, and whether the team has enough players worth watching for factors other than their fancy footwork. HMM.
Lep was horrendous. I was so embarrassed during the paper because the teacher startled me THREE TIMES, making me jump in my seat and resulting in offensively loud banging noises caused by my knee hitting the table. All that spasming left me in cold sweat more than the fact that the paper was the most anal piece of examination i had ever taken. Reservist and a sunshine overdose make people cruel.
Huang cheng meeting tommorow. (: They seem so much less ominous now that huang cheng is over. haha. Good luck juniors. You have many seemingly insurmountable obstacles in front of you, and some are, but eventually even skinning your knees become a sort of pleasure. Approach us with caution! We might either be bandaid or salt. But not to worry! You'll recover, your skin will thicken, and you'll bear your wounds with pride! (to the extent of overindulging in them sometimes. haha.)
- I apologise for putting it in such an icky biological way. Pardon my lack of more aesthetic analogies. -
But yeah, all problems resolve themselves! It might seem like crap at the start, crap in the middle and crap at the end, just that at the end the crap is in the very fact that it has to end! Beneath this seemingly masochistic human behaviour there is a value in the huang cheng experience that only you and your batch will slowly define and understand. (since every batch takes something unique out of huang cheng) So just believe in yourselves and your batchmates!
haha.
Actually I also don't know why i am suddenly saying all this. Maybe it's because I remembered the fear and apprehension when I just got appointed. Its not so much the real difficulty of the work itself as is the sense of bewilderedness at the sheer perceived impossibility of the task. But I guess once you get past the fear and get to the work everything seems to become much more manageable. Sure, there will be hiccups along the way, but really, as long as everyone's moving in the right direction why worry about veering off course? I must say I enjoyed the journey. Its almost like a bullock cart ride, every bump just made us cling together tighter, every bump just made the whole experience more worthy of recollection.
haha. not that my elation's really justified, since I've hardly been what (considering hwa chong standards, ok no, considering ANY standard) one might consider 'hardworking'. So erm yeah! So happy to be erh....EVEN MORE SLACK THAN USUAL. :)
(mailto:%&@#*$*(#&$(#$^&$. Forgive me while i try to get the fact that prelims are like around 6 weeks away outta my head. )
Anyway, back to the point of feeling happy. Now i can watch the world cup in peace! yay. Though actually i think my new found interest in the game is more because i don't want to mug rather than because of actual interest in the game itself. But in a way i am happy i got distracted, since that means that i can blame whatever shitty grades I get on the world cup. (A world event! FAR FAR more important than blocks!)
Funnily though, every team I support immediately gets kicked out of the game. First it was Argentina, then Ukraine (shevchenko!), EVEN BRAZIL (kaka!). -_- Maybe some sort of sadistic girly instinct is trying to put me off the sport. (What are you doing staying up late for soccer! You could be midnight shopping at suntec!) But yeah, blocks are over so soccer may prove to be boring again. Not that my interest is really authentic anyway, its a fickle on-off sort of thing, heavily dependent on mood, other leisure alternatives, and whether the team has enough players worth watching for factors other than their fancy footwork. HMM.
Lep was horrendous. I was so embarrassed during the paper because the teacher startled me THREE TIMES, making me jump in my seat and resulting in offensively loud banging noises caused by my knee hitting the table. All that spasming left me in cold sweat more than the fact that the paper was the most anal piece of examination i had ever taken. Reservist and a sunshine overdose make people cruel.
Huang cheng meeting tommorow. (: They seem so much less ominous now that huang cheng is over. haha. Good luck juniors. You have many seemingly insurmountable obstacles in front of you, and some are, but eventually even skinning your knees become a sort of pleasure. Approach us with caution! We might either be bandaid or salt. But not to worry! You'll recover, your skin will thicken, and you'll bear your wounds with pride! (to the extent of overindulging in them sometimes. haha.)
- I apologise for putting it in such an icky biological way. Pardon my lack of more aesthetic analogies. -
But yeah, all problems resolve themselves! It might seem like crap at the start, crap in the middle and crap at the end, just that at the end the crap is in the very fact that it has to end! Beneath this seemingly masochistic human behaviour there is a value in the huang cheng experience that only you and your batch will slowly define and understand. (since every batch takes something unique out of huang cheng) So just believe in yourselves and your batchmates!
haha.
Actually I also don't know why i am suddenly saying all this. Maybe it's because I remembered the fear and apprehension when I just got appointed. Its not so much the real difficulty of the work itself as is the sense of bewilderedness at the sheer perceived impossibility of the task. But I guess once you get past the fear and get to the work everything seems to become much more manageable. Sure, there will be hiccups along the way, but really, as long as everyone's moving in the right direction why worry about veering off course? I must say I enjoyed the journey. Its almost like a bullock cart ride, every bump just made us cling together tighter, every bump just made the whole experience more worthy of recollection.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Early in the morning, i put breakfast at your table 一夜都没睡但我 不曾如此清醒 我早餐准备了你 爱吃的东西 这次换我等你被咖啡 的香味叫醒 想要找回每天早晨 对我微笑著的你 还能够 做些什麼代替我的歉意 总是望著我 小心翼翼顺著我呼吸 而我竟然理所当然 让你精疲力尽 You were my superwoman 安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔 but i am only human 我怎麼不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错 不能失去你 ooh—babe--- You fought your way through the rush hour try to make it home just for me 月光下静静靠著彼此 只求夜长一点 有多久没有好好看你 只是认定了我 无论在什麼时候回头 都有你的笑容 是我忽略了你也会有 想要哭的感觉 没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿 再给被宠坏的男人最後一次机会 换我忍耐换我等待 不要真的弃权 (---baby)是我把爱想得太简单 以为只要我存在就能让你取暖 心裏唯一的superwoman没有人能代替 不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成 灰烬
I want to be a superwoman, 让你无论在什麼时候回头，都有会我的笑容。
But I am only human, and I can’t help letting the tears fall, just as I try to stop yours.
I want to be a superwoman, 让你无论在什麼时候回头，都有会我的笑容。
But I am only human, and I can’t help letting the tears fall, just as I try to stop yours.
Alone.
I wish brazil would score. (Shit. Just as I was typing this, they did. Talk about lousy timing.)
You would probably have watched this with me, if you hadn’t had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 6am tomorrow. I don’t know why I’m staying up late alone to watch men kicking a stupid ball. I don’t even LIKE watching football as an alternative to advertisements most of the time. But I guess watching it reminds me of the times you were there at the other end of the line, giving your expert commentary using terms I only pretend to understand. The exhilaration we get at every goal - your exhilaration as a fan, and my exhilaration as your mood gets progressively better, indicating a nice goodbye at the end of the day.
I wish you were here to explain why Australia makes more shots on goal than Brazil, what kind of game tactic each side was using. Never mind that I wouldn’t have understood half of it, or that your explanation would probably have been interrupted by times when the game picks up speed. I don’t understand soccer, not without you. But it’s become almost a habit, I can’t sleep before two, and I still wait, almost as if you’ll call this time as usual to bet on the score line, and to laugh at this pseudo-soccer fan.
I am grateful for the world cup. Watching this match has been a comfort, somewhat. Perhaps it’s just because I’m too good at deluding myself. Perhaps it’s because the football field is a vat containing too many good memories of quiet and not too quiet nights of soccer indulgence. Even pretend indulgence. However far away, your presence lingers on in the noise and excitement that is football, noise that fills the unbearable silence which comes after my half-hearted cheers give no echo.
Final score: Brazil –Australia 2-0.
You missed a good game.
So did I.
You would probably have watched this with me, if you hadn’t had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 6am tomorrow. I don’t know why I’m staying up late alone to watch men kicking a stupid ball. I don’t even LIKE watching football as an alternative to advertisements most of the time. But I guess watching it reminds me of the times you were there at the other end of the line, giving your expert commentary using terms I only pretend to understand. The exhilaration we get at every goal - your exhilaration as a fan, and my exhilaration as your mood gets progressively better, indicating a nice goodbye at the end of the day.
I wish you were here to explain why Australia makes more shots on goal than Brazil, what kind of game tactic each side was using. Never mind that I wouldn’t have understood half of it, or that your explanation would probably have been interrupted by times when the game picks up speed. I don’t understand soccer, not without you. But it’s become almost a habit, I can’t sleep before two, and I still wait, almost as if you’ll call this time as usual to bet on the score line, and to laugh at this pseudo-soccer fan.
I am grateful for the world cup. Watching this match has been a comfort, somewhat. Perhaps it’s just because I’m too good at deluding myself. Perhaps it’s because the football field is a vat containing too many good memories of quiet and not too quiet nights of soccer indulgence. Even pretend indulgence. However far away, your presence lingers on in the noise and excitement that is football, noise that fills the unbearable silence which comes after my half-hearted cheers give no echo.
Final score: Brazil –Australia 2-0.
You missed a good game.
So did I.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Playground
Love is so fatalistic, the familiar ‘I would DIE without you’ proves that.
How everything goes into the hyperbole just because. The logic of love is like the way the narcotics bureau nabs ‘offenders’. ‘Want a drug? No? You sure? YOU SURE? I know you want it!’ *stuffs packet of ecstasy into person’s hands**flashes CNB id* ‘We’ve caught you red handed! Hee hee hee.’ It sounds just like, ‘Look at that girl! She’s pretty right? Hot right? You think she’s pretty right? You were ogling at her right!’ *burst into tears* ‘You ALWAYS look at other girls!’
It’s almost like going fishing using but yourself as a bait. The logic is so horribly warped it would look ridiculous anywhere but in the context of love. I guess a relationship is a safety bubble where seemingly normal people can do crazy things just because. Its like a playground for a society too long immersed in decorum and etiquette. No wonder hwa chong is called a love nest; too many Monday morning assemblies have resulted in a repressed student body begging for release.
I guess there won’t ever be a happy medium. But why are mediums happy anyway? Why does simplicity have to be bliss? Simplicity would only reduce life’s range of experiences. A whitewashing of life’s canvas to cover up flaws in artistry. But I find that I am as partial to sorrow as to joy, as reverent to folly as to virtue. Perhaps it is only in extremities do we find the vein that life throbs in, strong rhythmic pulses unyielding in their anguish and pathos.
Oh well. Just because!
How everything goes into the hyperbole just because. The logic of love is like the way the narcotics bureau nabs ‘offenders’. ‘Want a drug? No? You sure? YOU SURE? I know you want it!’ *stuffs packet of ecstasy into person’s hands**flashes CNB id* ‘We’ve caught you red handed! Hee hee hee.’ It sounds just like, ‘Look at that girl! She’s pretty right? Hot right? You think she’s pretty right? You were ogling at her right!’ *burst into tears* ‘You ALWAYS look at other girls!’
It’s almost like going fishing using but yourself as a bait. The logic is so horribly warped it would look ridiculous anywhere but in the context of love. I guess a relationship is a safety bubble where seemingly normal people can do crazy things just because. Its like a playground for a society too long immersed in decorum and etiquette. No wonder hwa chong is called a love nest; too many Monday morning assemblies have resulted in a repressed student body begging for release.
I guess there won’t ever be a happy medium. But why are mediums happy anyway? Why does simplicity have to be bliss? Simplicity would only reduce life’s range of experiences. A whitewashing of life’s canvas to cover up flaws in artistry. But I find that I am as partial to sorrow as to joy, as reverent to folly as to virtue. Perhaps it is only in extremities do we find the vein that life throbs in, strong rhythmic pulses unyielding in their anguish and pathos.
Oh well. Just because!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
And i'm feeling good.
Dance night was fun. Opinions are diverse, but whatever it is, I haven’t felt that kind of exhilaration in a long time. Okay, make that two years. Haha. I miss the rg dance culture. It’s just so much easier to go full out basking in that sort of atmosphere. But whatever it is, I think I have finally learnt self-indulgence on stage, it’s the ability to isolate all other factors – sucky lighting, disintegrating (and indecent) costumes, demoralizing audience (matinee!) , urge to pull up tube/shorts, physical insecurities, and what-the-hell-why-do-I-not-see-him syndrome.
Maybe I am a closet exhibitionist (what an irony!), but yeah, it felt really good. I guess there’s something in dance that releases feelings in us we don’t usually set free. Now thinking about it all still makes me euphoric. I feel a compulsion to dance! ARGH! I feel like taking up latin during the holidays, but I think blocks demand my fullest attention so OH WELL. After As then, I guess, provided I find someone strong enough (bingeing during As is almost a certainty), someone who doesn’t have two left feet. xP.
Anyway, back to the subject. Dance night not only helped me recapture some of that old delight in bodily expression but also changed my mind about quite a lot of people. I have developed a greater tolerance level for mindless whining and bimbotic speculations, just for the fun of it. Its an acquired taste, I guess. It just depends on how much pressure you want to put your ears through before you get to the core of the person, a really nice core I must admit, so I don’t regret it at all. (:
A big thank you to all those who came, yes, even those who made really weird comments. (CHER. -_-) haha. Thanks for flattering my ego so much Ame, you are the anti-thesis of aaron. (‘I have good news for you jiching. You look slightly less ugly with make-up.’ ---he shall have a taste of my condescension on Saturday! wahaha ) Oh yes, and thanks for the peasant girl analogy. Sorry I disappointed you guys by not doing anything incriminating. xP It feels good to be on stage again , after huang cheng at vt. Admittedly hwa chong audi is a poor substitute for dear vt, but I guess this time my relationship with the audience is more direct. (Sitting at the sm table calling cues construes another sort of excitement!) Now I know what the actors feel like when they need to ru xi, though I think my ‘acting’ cmi. But hey! Acting sexy is difficult, you either are it or you are trying too hard to be it (which means you are not it.)
I don’t dare to wash my costumes because all the sequins will come off and 3 hours of work will literally go down the drain. Oh well. But at the least the modern costume is somewhat wearable, if a bit too flamboyant. The nazi costume is just weird and the corset and shorts getup is just incongruous with my wardrobe and my moral sensibilities. I think I would chuck it down the bin if I didn’t spend so much time sewing the gold ribbons and beads on.
Aiya, shit. Don’t feel like blogging anymore. The song is stuck in my head again. It’s a really nice song though. I like the first verse.
'I can fly
Maybe I am a closet exhibitionist (what an irony!), but yeah, it felt really good. I guess there’s something in dance that releases feelings in us we don’t usually set free. Now thinking about it all still makes me euphoric. I feel a compulsion to dance! ARGH! I feel like taking up latin during the holidays, but I think blocks demand my fullest attention so OH WELL. After As then, I guess, provided I find someone strong enough (bingeing during As is almost a certainty), someone who doesn’t have two left feet. xP.
Anyway, back to the subject. Dance night not only helped me recapture some of that old delight in bodily expression but also changed my mind about quite a lot of people. I have developed a greater tolerance level for mindless whining and bimbotic speculations, just for the fun of it. Its an acquired taste, I guess. It just depends on how much pressure you want to put your ears through before you get to the core of the person, a really nice core I must admit, so I don’t regret it at all. (:
A big thank you to all those who came, yes, even those who made really weird comments. (CHER. -_-) haha. Thanks for flattering my ego so much Ame, you are the anti-thesis of aaron. (‘I have good news for you jiching. You look slightly less ugly with make-up.’ ---he shall have a taste of my condescension on Saturday! wahaha ) Oh yes, and thanks for the peasant girl analogy. Sorry I disappointed you guys by not doing anything incriminating. xP It feels good to be on stage again , after huang cheng at vt. Admittedly hwa chong audi is a poor substitute for dear vt, but I guess this time my relationship with the audience is more direct. (Sitting at the sm table calling cues construes another sort of excitement!) Now I know what the actors feel like when they need to ru xi, though I think my ‘acting’ cmi. But hey! Acting sexy is difficult, you either are it or you are trying too hard to be it (which means you are not it.)
I don’t dare to wash my costumes because all the sequins will come off and 3 hours of work will literally go down the drain. Oh well. But at the least the modern costume is somewhat wearable, if a bit too flamboyant. The nazi costume is just weird and the corset and shorts getup is just incongruous with my wardrobe and my moral sensibilities. I think I would chuck it down the bin if I didn’t spend so much time sewing the gold ribbons and beads on.
Aiya, shit. Don’t feel like blogging anymore. The song is stuck in my head again. It’s a really nice song though. I like the first verse.
'I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel gabriel'
Crap. I miss dance.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Random Network CheckInstructions:Name 20 ppl u can think of at the top of your head. Dun read the below questions before you write and tag 5 ppl to do this survey.
1(: {enough pple know. Don’t want to advertise le.}
2.amelia
3.linette
4.wing
5.angela
6. mon
7. pheywa
8.rachel (she kicked me! How can I forget!!!!)
9.cher
10. geri
11.wk
12. mommy
13. evelyn
14.esther
15. Justin (sry ame. I think of you I think of him. Heh)
16. ailene (dance overload)
17. jamie
18. boonie
19.guifeng
20.aaron
How did you meet 14?
hwa chong humanities. In the midst of decadence and sin.
What would you do if you never met 1?
I would probably have more time to tease ame and Justin haha. but yeah, I guess I would be happy still, just that life might be so much more mediocre.
What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
I would get a job as their translator.
Did you ever like 19?
NO. that would be INCEST.
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
perhaps. If they discover their lesbian tendencies soon enough.
Describe 3.
prettier than ever (:
Do you think 8 is attractive?
DUH. Another pretty one.
Tell me something about
7.She sweeps guys off their feet. Haha. judoka!
Do you know any of 12's family?
yep. Every single on of them, myself included.
What's 8's favourite?
dance? Kicking people’s eye? xP
What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
tell him to get leg extensions. XP
What language does 15 speak?
don’t know. Weird acronymic stuff that only ame understands.
Who is 9 going out with?
lan guang feng. Lao fu lao qi.
How old is 16 now?
17/18
When was the last time you talked to 13?
rj gym night.
Who's 2 favourite band/singer?
ji mo de ji jie/ zhi zu. – Justin?
Would you date 4?
NO. she would be late for all our dates.
Would you date 7?
NO. she would throw me if I was late.
Is 15 single?
NOPE. But they do single themselves out. xP
What's 10's last name?
xu?
Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
we would be heading for serious trouble.
What school does 3 go to?
rj. In the wondrous land called bishan. SIGH.
Where does 6 live?
FORGOT. Oops. Fairyland I guess. Goddess what.
Whats your favourite thing about 5?
non-threatening eyes. Because they are so small. (:
Have you seen no.1 naked?
nightmares should only begin after marriage.
tagged
1. (:
2. zhixuan
3. darren
4. zhu zhang
5. wk
1(: {enough pple know. Don’t want to advertise le.}
2.amelia
3.linette
4.wing
5.angela
6. mon
7. pheywa
8.rachel (she kicked me! How can I forget!!!!)
9.cher
10. geri
11.wk
12. mommy
13. evelyn
14.esther
15. Justin (sry ame. I think of you I think of him. Heh)
16. ailene (dance overload)
17. jamie
18. boonie
19.guifeng
20.aaron
How did you meet 14?
hwa chong humanities. In the midst of decadence and sin.
What would you do if you never met 1?
I would probably have more time to tease ame and Justin haha. but yeah, I guess I would be happy still, just that life might be so much more mediocre.
What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
I would get a job as their translator.
Did you ever like 19?
NO. that would be INCEST.
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
perhaps. If they discover their lesbian tendencies soon enough.
Describe 3.
prettier than ever (:
Do you think 8 is attractive?
DUH. Another pretty one.
Tell me something about
7.She sweeps guys off their feet. Haha. judoka!
Do you know any of 12's family?
yep. Every single on of them, myself included.
What's 8's favourite?
dance? Kicking people’s eye? xP
What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
tell him to get leg extensions. XP
What language does 15 speak?
don’t know. Weird acronymic stuff that only ame understands.
Who is 9 going out with?
lan guang feng. Lao fu lao qi.
How old is 16 now?
17/18
When was the last time you talked to 13?
rj gym night.
Who's 2 favourite band/singer?
ji mo de ji jie/ zhi zu. – Justin?
Would you date 4?
NO. she would be late for all our dates.
Would you date 7?
NO. she would throw me if I was late.
Is 15 single?
NOPE. But they do single themselves out. xP
What's 10's last name?
xu?
Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
we would be heading for serious trouble.
What school does 3 go to?
rj. In the wondrous land called bishan. SIGH.
Where does 6 live?
FORGOT. Oops. Fairyland I guess. Goddess what.
Whats your favourite thing about 5?
non-threatening eyes. Because they are so small. (:
Have you seen no.1 naked?
nightmares should only begin after marriage.
tagged
1. (:
2. zhixuan
3. darren
4. zhu zhang
5. wk
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The stars debate...
The moon shines by coincidence,
How the sun chanced upon her with his light;
dowered her, that she too might dance in shadow
And how –
When another shields his beams from her-
Her eclipse waxes pity.
How the sun chanced upon her with his light;
dowered her, that she too might dance in shadow
And how –
When another shields his beams from her-
Her eclipse waxes pity.
Friday, April 21, 2006
thieving on time
What do you do after your 4As, two S paper distinctions and A1 for GP? Apply for a scholarship perhaps, President, SAF, PSC, firefly, DBS. Go overseas. 4 years degree. 2 years masters. Come back to serve your bond at some ministry with the job scope that involves prolonged stays out of Singapore. Like some sort of high class refugee with a 200000 – 300000 annual income. Work your way up the hierarchy – 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s. One should live life without regrets.
But what I regret about my life so far isn't the 2 A1s I didn't get at o levels, nor is it the 1st place we didn't clinch for cheerleading. Instead, I regret the photos that I didn't take during huang cheng, the primary school friends I’ve forgotten, memories too far back to remember, and incomplete farewells.
No, the PSC scholarship talk didn't inspire me to work towards the top. It instead reminded me of the people I would be leaving behind. Those people who might become one of my many regrets ten years from now, when I cease to be able differentiate between one from another, when the subtle intonations of their voices merge and chorus into one barrage of loss.
12 years of study, 18 years of people, 2 years of you. I guess this is the theory of opportunity cost. But which is the greater? Throw away 12 years of study for the people I love, or the other way round? I am so tired of having to make decisions. How can we measure human beings with economic models?
Why must there be a trade-off? Yet at least where you are concerned there must. To do otherwise would be selfish. Man is innately selfish. Egotistical hedonism. But there is no greater guilt than to deprive someone else of life's chances. Life is abundant, and no man should have the right to make another stand still in the journey of time. Time waits for no man. Man shouldn't need to wait for time, or another man.
I hate wishy-washiness. Either a clean cut or no cut at all. The agony of execution is greatest mid-stroke. Spare us that. I sacrifice or we sacrifice. If only time and space can be crucified.
Pardon my hypothetical nihilism. Rationalisation is a great anaesthetic for pain.
Still, thank you for your offer.
But what I regret about my life so far isn't the 2 A1s I didn't get at o levels, nor is it the 1st place we didn't clinch for cheerleading. Instead, I regret the photos that I didn't take during huang cheng, the primary school friends I’ve forgotten, memories too far back to remember, and incomplete farewells.
No, the PSC scholarship talk didn't inspire me to work towards the top. It instead reminded me of the people I would be leaving behind. Those people who might become one of my many regrets ten years from now, when I cease to be able differentiate between one from another, when the subtle intonations of their voices merge and chorus into one barrage of loss.
12 years of study, 18 years of people, 2 years of you. I guess this is the theory of opportunity cost. But which is the greater? Throw away 12 years of study for the people I love, or the other way round? I am so tired of having to make decisions. How can we measure human beings with economic models?
Why must there be a trade-off? Yet at least where you are concerned there must. To do otherwise would be selfish. Man is innately selfish. Egotistical hedonism. But there is no greater guilt than to deprive someone else of life's chances. Life is abundant, and no man should have the right to make another stand still in the journey of time. Time waits for no man. Man shouldn't need to wait for time, or another man.
I hate wishy-washiness. Either a clean cut or no cut at all. The agony of execution is greatest mid-stroke. Spare us that. I sacrifice or we sacrifice. If only time and space can be crucified.
Pardon my hypothetical nihilism. Rationalisation is a great anaesthetic for pain.
Still, thank you for your offer.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Rain
the rain eats away at skyscrapers, memory’s wisps
Linger; the wet smell of grass, drip dripping into
Ephemerals unspoken. Silence hums the low bass of time
as we bury seconds in each other’s warmth.
Elegy is the rain; life’s breath retreating, but we dutifully sing its tune.
(is it you crying me crying or just sky misting around our eyelashes?)
Raindrops chafe at the immortality of water puddles,
while two pairs of feet splash
Laughing evanescence.
how many more times do i have to endure this?
Linger; the wet smell of grass, drip dripping into
Ephemerals unspoken. Silence hums the low bass of time
as we bury seconds in each other’s warmth.
Elegy is the rain; life’s breath retreating, but we dutifully sing its tune.
(is it you crying me crying or just sky misting around our eyelashes?)
Raindrops chafe at the immortality of water puddles,
while two pairs of feet splash
Laughing evanescence.
how many more times do i have to endure this?
Monday, April 10, 2006
Sunday
How life goes on as usual.
Can there be contentment in missing someone? I guess so. If the greatest fortune is to love and be loved in return, then I guess life would be unending in satisfaction, because it is so very human to love.
Life would never be mundane perhaps, with so many abstractions to pursue. Hope, freedom, ambition, love. Somehow all these ideals seem much more significant now that you are not around. Maybe you have always so distracted me with the little realities that I never really did have time to stop and look at the big picture. Or maybe I am just indulging myself with these vague concepts to pass the hours when you are not there to keep life simple.
Of course, life might already be simple, structurally, in the way that it construes seconds, minutes, hours till you come to put time on hold. A simplistic constant waiting it is then, an ironic juxtaposition of turbulent emotions that seize me without warning. Life is really a bag full of ironies.
The irony of separation and togetherness, how two hands hitting the keyboard simultaneously can never be one, and how though we might think of each other at different times, the same pool of memories lies still, quiet, untouched, except by us.
Can there be contentment in missing someone? I guess so. If the greatest fortune is to love and be loved in return, then I guess life would be unending in satisfaction, because it is so very human to love.
Life would never be mundane perhaps, with so many abstractions to pursue. Hope, freedom, ambition, love. Somehow all these ideals seem much more significant now that you are not around. Maybe you have always so distracted me with the little realities that I never really did have time to stop and look at the big picture. Or maybe I am just indulging myself with these vague concepts to pass the hours when you are not there to keep life simple.
Of course, life might already be simple, structurally, in the way that it construes seconds, minutes, hours till you come to put time on hold. A simplistic constant waiting it is then, an ironic juxtaposition of turbulent emotions that seize me without warning. Life is really a bag full of ironies.
The irony of separation and togetherness, how two hands hitting the keyboard simultaneously can never be one, and how though we might think of each other at different times, the same pool of memories lies still, quiet, untouched, except by us.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Photo
Do you know how to decipher a smile?
The lighting up of the eyes, turn of the nose, momentous show of teeth.
There is a delight in retracing the lines of joy. My eyes and hands furtively caress the furled edges of memories in a previous space and time.
There she is. Love and life preserved in a smile.
I see her, and I remember, why and how she came to be there, what was whispered into her ears, who did but give her reason to.
Fringe over face, unnoticed, as the shutter closed on a world lost behind the complicated codes of the sub-lunary – and opened simple you and me.
This is a moment when split second light captures refract into something more lasting.
A smile is a face cracking up-
sorrow and joy, till you come back.
The lighting up of the eyes, turn of the nose, momentous show of teeth.
There is a delight in retracing the lines of joy. My eyes and hands furtively caress the furled edges of memories in a previous space and time.
There she is. Love and life preserved in a smile.
I see her, and I remember, why and how she came to be there, what was whispered into her ears, who did but give her reason to.
Fringe over face, unnoticed, as the shutter closed on a world lost behind the complicated codes of the sub-lunary – and opened simple you and me.
This is a moment when split second light captures refract into something more lasting.
A smile is a face cracking up-
sorrow and joy, till you come back.
Monday, March 27, 2006
SM politics
Spare the whip, spoil the competition.
psudo-opposition for a pseudo-democracy huh.
I wonder how many pseudonyms Singaporeans can take before they start to take themselves seriously.
Oh well. Seems like PAP's set to make a clean sweep this year.
Good or bad? I don't know. Its not like we have much better alternatives anyway. Besides, it would be quite interesting to see a pure contingent of whites. That would need a hell lot of bleach.
(I realise my entry for huang cheng is long overdue. Can't bring myself to write it somehow. Maybe I will write after I have forgotten what it feels like to xie mu with 25 years of huang cheng ren on and offstage. Maybe I will write after j2s forget their huang cheng lingo. Maybe i won't write it at all, but let this memory pass unwritten, for what after all, can truly chronicle our journey these 7 months? SL SM off cans- that is, if they really do come off. )
psudo-opposition for a pseudo-democracy huh.
I wonder how many pseudonyms Singaporeans can take before they start to take themselves seriously.
Oh well. Seems like PAP's set to make a clean sweep this year.
Good or bad? I don't know. Its not like we have much better alternatives anyway. Besides, it would be quite interesting to see a pure contingent of whites. That would need a hell lot of bleach.
(I realise my entry for huang cheng is long overdue. Can't bring myself to write it somehow. Maybe I will write after I have forgotten what it feels like to xie mu with 25 years of huang cheng ren on and offstage. Maybe I will write after j2s forget their huang cheng lingo. Maybe i won't write it at all, but let this memory pass unwritten, for what after all, can truly chronicle our journey these 7 months? SL SM off cans- that is, if they really do come off. )
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I have always wished for a wizard to come knocking on my door and maybe whisk me away on a grand adventure in the far away lands of lothlorien and gondor.
But there you were, mundane as life, the smile in your eyes promising mine as you handed 2 and a half hour's journey into my hands, seemingly immune to my ungrateful exclamations of 'siao!' and 'crazy la you.'
And then the indulgent silence that followed as we both breathed contentment....
Gandalf's fireworks would pale in comparison to this sort of magic.
But there you were, mundane as life, the smile in your eyes promising mine as you handed 2 and a half hour's journey into my hands, seemingly immune to my ungrateful exclamations of 'siao!' and 'crazy la you.'
And then the indulgent silence that followed as we both breathed contentment....
Gandalf's fireworks would pale in comparison to this sort of magic.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
不渝是精神。
为什么总是要在即将失去的时候才懂得珍惜？直到现在才发现自己真的爱黄城。直到现在才知道你们的存在有那么的重要。也许我们都失望过，自责过，但是，我很庆幸我们仍然能在跌倒之后互相扶持，等泪水流干，化成笑语。大家加油，今年做一个对得起自己又快乐的黄城！一定要让黄城继续下去！做过黄城的道具，喊过黄城的cues, 我真的很想做一次黄城的观众。 （：
3 more weeks. I am so gonna miss you guys.
3 more weeks. I am so gonna miss you guys.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
i want to die
I need things to make me happy too. Never have I felt so alone.
I am so sorry. about what? My intellectual incapacity. I DON”T KNOW. Maybe I just can’t.
Maybe I am just a useless piece of shit.
I don’t know what to say don’t know what to feel. Do I apologise? I can’t apologise when I have stuck out nights for this. I know its important. But god dammit I tried I tried I TRIED. It wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t enough for you. What do you want from me? I don’t know how to give you what you want to see. I am lacking I know. Maybe I didn’t work hard enough, maybe I wasn’t alert enough, maybe I was just never cut out for it in the first place. Don’t know what went wrong. Maybe we were never right in the first place. Maybe I was never in the right place. Well then. Comfort me reassure me step on me. Leave me. You won’t have to see so much shit anymore then. I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry? I don’t know how to say this. (do I have to say this?)
I feel cold. No one to tell me to put my blankets on. Maybe I shan’t sleep tonight. I feel like looking out my window. Letting the wind in. Its time I felt some wind. It might dry the tears. The tears of my own naiveté. To believe in my own importance.
Mom says she’s gonna give me a birthday treat tmr. Another year, passed the same way.
I am so sorry. about what? My intellectual incapacity. I DON”T KNOW. Maybe I just can’t.
Maybe I am just a useless piece of shit.
I don’t know what to say don’t know what to feel. Do I apologise? I can’t apologise when I have stuck out nights for this. I know its important. But god dammit I tried I tried I TRIED. It wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t enough for you. What do you want from me? I don’t know how to give you what you want to see. I am lacking I know. Maybe I didn’t work hard enough, maybe I wasn’t alert enough, maybe I was just never cut out for it in the first place. Don’t know what went wrong. Maybe we were never right in the first place. Maybe I was never in the right place. Well then. Comfort me reassure me step on me. Leave me. You won’t have to see so much shit anymore then. I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry? I don’t know how to say this. (do I have to say this?)
I feel cold. No one to tell me to put my blankets on. Maybe I shan’t sleep tonight. I feel like looking out my window. Letting the wind in. Its time I felt some wind. It might dry the tears. The tears of my own naiveté. To believe in my own importance.
Mom says she’s gonna give me a birthday treat tmr. Another year, passed the same way.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Project VALENTINE
Gone are the J1 days when I was able to write ‘sweet’ little notes to everybody in my class and daoju (yes! What a feat!) for V-day. How I cringe when I think of all the disgustingly sappy things I penned down for people I knew only superficially. Haha. OH well. I have neither the time nor naivete this year to repeat the act. Haha. Which explains this…
People whom I know are gonna have a happy valentine!
MOMMY – Because daddy is so unromantic he probably won’t distract her from her lian xu ju.
DADDY - Because mommy is so distracted by her lian xu ju she probably won’t complain about his lack of romance.
GUIFENG – Because msn is one of the greatest inventions to guys who can only face the world behind a screen. (oops!)
CLIQUE
AMELIA – Because she’s going to get a new pet.
LINETTE- Because her brother’s a constant reminder of someone very dear.
WINGYEE- Because she’s so super nice she will be swamped with presents.
GERY – Billa billa… BONG! (:
ANGELA – Because she has such nice friends! (Don’t you dare deny!)
MONICA – Because Molly’s great company! xP
PHEYWA – Because she’s gonna sweep lotsa people off their feet, oh judo master.
HUANG CHENG
CHER – lan guang feng
GUANG FENG – cher
MICH – Because some daoju snrs wrote ‘cheong hengq love mich’ on zong’s round table. (I heard! xP)
JUSTIN - Because he’s going to get a new pet.
PEIHAN – Because there’s tech run the next day! (QUICK CHANGE! Haha)
XIAO XIAO – Because there’s peihan.
JIARONG – Because he is so huggable. HEH.
ZHAO RUI – Because she has a portable cushion.
ZHAO LIN – Because wang wan is back.
WANG WAN – Because zhao lin was waiting for her to be back.
SI TING – Because the fu zhuang shis will block peihan’s view.
XU SHENG – Because there’s an ahma in huang cheng.
KANG LIN – Because someone might just play the guitar to her on the ferris wheel! (TY!)
AH HONG – Jackie? Jacky? Haha. Nvm.
ZI YUN – Because qiao yan is in her ju. ): (unfair!)
CHAO HSIANG – Because got nice person offer to give him a lift home (:
YUN LIN – (darn. How come you no scandal one. No nice to niao. Lan ren! Not doing your job leh!) Because she’s nice. xP
BOONIE – piao wu. (:
REBECCA – Because ningfei is a funny person.
NINGFEI – Because Rebecca is an even funnier person.
AH MU – Because he will have his mu (and Jamie) for company.
YI YUN- Because ame will be too busy to disturb her.
WEI LONG – Because Georgia will be there to bicker with him.
GEORGIA – Because Wei Long will be there to bicker with her / Because ningfei will come to ding fan.
WEI YING – Because she’s not doing my ju.
CHAI LING – Because she’s not doing my ju.
WEI QI – Because we finally found the nurse’s uniform! Yay!
JUNYI – Because pinyun will light up his day.
PIN YUN – Because jun yi won’t fade (out) from her sight.
XIAO YE – Because he will be really bright. (dian deng pao! xP )
JAMIE – Because the sound of ah mu sawing mu is music to her ears. (heh!)
YING JIE – Because Jamie will be too engrossed to disturb her.
HUPAN – Because *sings* ‘love is a river I wanna keep flowing…’
BAO RU- dayung sampan… dayung dayung sampan….
XIAO YUAN – Because mei nv always got lots of luck on this day! (:
ZHI XUAN – Because her dah dah is on leave today. (you are free! At last!)
ZI XIAN – Because she gets to take minutes on that day! xP
HUAN WEI – Because if she stays long enough I can also give her a lift. Heh.
CHU JIE – Because even though she’s small, someone’s not going to give her a miss. (:
OLD FOLKS (xP) and others.
ZHUZHANG - Because she has nice zhu yuans like us. (there! i finally admitted it!)
JIAYI - Because she gave me her bubble tea drink and hao xin you hao bao. xP
WEEKUAN– Because he will be with his boyfriend in the army. xP
LITING – Because she has seniority. (haha xP)
KAIJIE- Because there are people in this world who are blind.
SANDRA – Because her pending sounds nice. haha
SHAWN – Because he has a nice Casanova pic. HEH.
AMANDA – Because she is nice and OLD. xP Bells ringing soon?
DARYL – Because he are going to hit the ceiling soon.
RENNY- Because I am not going to intro him anyone from hwa chong. (that’s gd k!)
KENNY – Because he will prob be singing to that special someone.
CHIN YEE – Because he’s in a nice school with lotsa pretty people.
CHIN LENG – EH. Because his serg might get lucky and not tekan him.
BING KAI – MEOW.
ARGH! Late le!! Shall continue tmr! HEH.
People whom I know are gonna have a happy valentine!
MOMMY – Because daddy is so unromantic he probably won’t distract her from her lian xu ju.
DADDY - Because mommy is so distracted by her lian xu ju she probably won’t complain about his lack of romance.
GUIFENG – Because msn is one of the greatest inventions to guys who can only face the world behind a screen. (oops!)
CLIQUE
AMELIA – Because she’s going to get a new pet.
LINETTE- Because her brother’s a constant reminder of someone very dear.
WINGYEE- Because she’s so super nice she will be swamped with presents.
GERY – Billa billa… BONG! (:
ANGELA – Because she has such nice friends! (Don’t you dare deny!)
MONICA – Because Molly’s great company! xP
PHEYWA – Because she’s gonna sweep lotsa people off their feet, oh judo master.
HUANG CHENG
CHER – lan guang feng
GUANG FENG – cher
MICH – Because some daoju snrs wrote ‘cheong hengq love mich’ on zong’s round table. (I heard! xP)
JUSTIN - Because he’s going to get a new pet.
PEIHAN – Because there’s tech run the next day! (QUICK CHANGE! Haha)
XIAO XIAO – Because there’s peihan.
JIARONG – Because he is so huggable. HEH.
ZHAO RUI – Because she has a portable cushion.
ZHAO LIN – Because wang wan is back.
WANG WAN – Because zhao lin was waiting for her to be back.
SI TING – Because the fu zhuang shis will block peihan’s view.
XU SHENG – Because there’s an ahma in huang cheng.
KANG LIN – Because someone might just play the guitar to her on the ferris wheel! (TY!)
AH HONG – Jackie? Jacky? Haha. Nvm.
ZI YUN – Because qiao yan is in her ju. ): (unfair!)
CHAO HSIANG – Because got nice person offer to give him a lift home (:
YUN LIN – (darn. How come you no scandal one. No nice to niao. Lan ren! Not doing your job leh!) Because she’s nice. xP
BOONIE – piao wu. (:
REBECCA – Because ningfei is a funny person.
NINGFEI – Because Rebecca is an even funnier person.
AH MU – Because he will have his mu (and Jamie) for company.
YI YUN- Because ame will be too busy to disturb her.
WEI LONG – Because Georgia will be there to bicker with him.
GEORGIA – Because Wei Long will be there to bicker with her / Because ningfei will come to ding fan.
WEI YING – Because she’s not doing my ju.
CHAI LING – Because she’s not doing my ju.
WEI QI – Because we finally found the nurse’s uniform! Yay!
JUNYI – Because pinyun will light up his day.
PIN YUN – Because jun yi won’t fade (out) from her sight.
XIAO YE – Because he will be really bright. (dian deng pao! xP )
JAMIE – Because the sound of ah mu sawing mu is music to her ears. (heh!)
YING JIE – Because Jamie will be too engrossed to disturb her.
HUPAN – Because *sings* ‘love is a river I wanna keep flowing…’
BAO RU- dayung sampan… dayung dayung sampan….
XIAO YUAN – Because mei nv always got lots of luck on this day! (:
ZHI XUAN – Because her dah dah is on leave today. (you are free! At last!)
ZI XIAN – Because she gets to take minutes on that day! xP
HUAN WEI – Because if she stays long enough I can also give her a lift. Heh.
CHU JIE – Because even though she’s small, someone’s not going to give her a miss. (:
OLD FOLKS (xP) and others.
ZHUZHANG - Because she has nice zhu yuans like us. (there! i finally admitted it!)
JIAYI - Because she gave me her bubble tea drink and hao xin you hao bao. xP
WEEKUAN– Because he will be with his boyfriend in the army. xP
LITING – Because she has seniority. (haha xP)
KAIJIE- Because there are people in this world who are blind.
SANDRA – Because her pending sounds nice. haha
SHAWN – Because he has a nice Casanova pic. HEH.
AMANDA – Because she is nice and OLD. xP Bells ringing soon?
DARYL – Because he are going to hit the ceiling soon.
RENNY- Because I am not going to intro him anyone from hwa chong. (that’s gd k!)
KENNY – Because he will prob be singing to that special someone.
CHIN YEE – Because he’s in a nice school with lotsa pretty people.
CHIN LENG – EH. Because his serg might get lucky and not tekan him.
BING KAI – MEOW.
ARGH! Late le!! Shall continue tmr! HEH.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
梦红楼
花谢花落飞满天，红消香断有谁怜？
或许，人生就是一场空。
我俩，到底是木石金玉，还是一个根本不应该发生的间歇？
孽海情天？只怨古今情不尽。
归于净土？却叹风月债难还。
我们欠了彼此多少泪，来生，再来生，
上演自己的红楼梦。
或许，人生就是一场空。
我俩，到底是木石金玉，还是一个根本不应该发生的间歇？
孽海情天？只怨古今情不尽。
归于净土？却叹风月债难还。
我们欠了彼此多少泪，来生，再来生，
上演自己的红楼梦。
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
(:
Life can be a great big irony sometimes.
Here I am – lying immobile on the couch, fever and fatigue alternating between coughs, and I have just experienced the happiest day out of the four days of the CNY hols.
There must be some sort of magic in simplicity. Some sort of festivity you can’t find in noisy red firecrackers and hearty well wishes. The kind of festivity that dwells in the heart. Contentment? Maybe. But if everything else were to be denied to me, I wouldn’t mind just living with this little bubble of happiness. HEH. It makes me want to smile right now. haha. Unconditioned, unreasoned, ‘un-rationalised’ happiness. (:
Suddenly everything else doesn’t seem to matter. Even tech runs. Chuck feminism aside too. Its time I stopped going against half the world. HEH. I don’t know where this is going, but I only have one thing to say really.
Thanks for such an ordinary day. (:
Here I am – lying immobile on the couch, fever and fatigue alternating between coughs, and I have just experienced the happiest day out of the four days of the CNY hols.
There must be some sort of magic in simplicity. Some sort of festivity you can’t find in noisy red firecrackers and hearty well wishes. The kind of festivity that dwells in the heart. Contentment? Maybe. But if everything else were to be denied to me, I wouldn’t mind just living with this little bubble of happiness. HEH. It makes me want to smile right now. haha. Unconditioned, unreasoned, ‘un-rationalised’ happiness. (:
Suddenly everything else doesn’t seem to matter. Even tech runs. Chuck feminism aside too. Its time I stopped going against half the world. HEH. I don’t know where this is going, but I only have one thing to say really.
Thanks for such an ordinary day. (:
Sunday, January 29, 2006
SIAN - Y (CNY)
Its one hour and thirteen minutes into the new year.
tommorrow we would all be scurrying to each others houses, giving and receiving oranges, giving and receiving ang baos, giving and receiving smiles, giving in the hope of receiving.
my emotion reiterates red.
red like the colour of your clothes, red like your shou sui eyes (giving hours in the hope of getting more from your children next time), red like your pineapple tart heaty lips, red like the colour of your cheeks - flushed from the effort of a half hearted guffaw.
Perhaps it is too late to go back to the time when a reunion dinner doesn't give one a stomach ache.
I am angry.
angry at myself for not getting into the atmosphere of things.
Where did all that childish delight go?
the crowded streets, the festive iridescence, the smell of celebratory red, all to vaporise with the slightest waning of your concern.
RUBBISH. i can't think of a witty one-liner to end this, i feel almost mentally impaired.
(i tried)
Happy chinese new year.
tommorrow we would all be scurrying to each others houses, giving and receiving oranges, giving and receiving ang baos, giving and receiving smiles, giving in the hope of receiving.
my emotion reiterates red.
red like the colour of your clothes, red like your shou sui eyes (giving hours in the hope of getting more from your children next time), red like your pineapple tart heaty lips, red like the colour of your cheeks - flushed from the effort of a half hearted guffaw.
Perhaps it is too late to go back to the time when a reunion dinner doesn't give one a stomach ache.
I am angry.
angry at myself for not getting into the atmosphere of things.
Where did all that childish delight go?
the crowded streets, the festive iridescence, the smell of celebratory red, all to vaporise with the slightest waning of your concern.
RUBBISH. i can't think of a witty one-liner to end this, i feel almost mentally impaired.
(i tried)
Happy chinese new year.
Monday, January 16, 2006
All over again.
Kai gong le.
Late nights and rushed dinners all over again, just that this time work doesn't end at home.
oh well. At least it won't be a lonely walk. I don't miss the desolation- or the retarded irony of standing face to face and having hearts turned against each other. so.. jia you ba! We might be different, we might be the same, but hopefully, three months later, i will not look upon this entry with shame! (: (hey it rhymes! haha)
Late nights and rushed dinners all over again, just that this time work doesn't end at home.
oh well. At least it won't be a lonely walk. I don't miss the desolation- or the retarded irony of standing face to face and having hearts turned against each other. so.. jia you ba! We might be different, we might be the same, but hopefully, three months later, i will not look upon this entry with shame! (: (hey it rhymes! haha)
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
It hurts when you leave, even though I know you will come back.
Its still farewell, to who you are at that very instant, at that very moment your lips whisper goodbye. 为什么每一次都是一个生离死别？
Don’t ask me to remember, there’s nothing I want to remember, without you to make the memories real. Don’t ask me not to cry, it’s the only time my tears can fall freely without your hand to wipe them away. They have gotten too used to that. I have gotten too used to that. I don’t want to dream if we have to wake up. Stop it. Not all over again. I don’t want to see you, if it means having to say another goodbye.
我的拥抱
你的依靠
连片刻的幸福 都想要
故事变了
谁能明瞭
人世间的荒唐 都浓了 难忘掉
哦 怕只怕 你睁开眼 看我
知道我 会不知所措
哦 也许你 梦醒后 我已走
错过梦 (就)不再重游
睡了吧
时间分秒
谁来主导
你和我的圆场 不做了 不想要
哦 真不想 你睁开眼 看我
知道我 也畏惧寂寞
哦 让我们在梦里快度过
Tonight 爱 不再挽留
睡过头
爱了痛了伤了别了 分手 别再重（温）
温度 冷了去了感受 不真 冻结过（来）
来的去的在的难道 都奔 世界尽头
Its still farewell, to who you are at that very instant, at that very moment your lips whisper goodbye. 为什么每一次都是一个生离死别？
Don’t ask me to remember, there’s nothing I want to remember, without you to make the memories real. Don’t ask me not to cry, it’s the only time my tears can fall freely without your hand to wipe them away. They have gotten too used to that. I have gotten too used to that. I don’t want to dream if we have to wake up. Stop it. Not all over again. I don’t want to see you, if it means having to say another goodbye.
我的拥抱
你的依靠
连片刻的幸福 都想要
故事变了
谁能明瞭
人世间的荒唐 都浓了 难忘掉
哦 怕只怕 你睁开眼 看我
知道我 会不知所措
哦 也许你 梦醒后 我已走
错过梦 (就)不再重游
睡了吧
时间分秒
谁来主导
你和我的圆场 不做了 不想要
哦 真不想 你睁开眼 看我
知道我 也畏惧寂寞
哦 让我们在梦里快度过
Tonight 爱 不再挽留
睡过头
爱了痛了伤了别了 分手 别再重（温）
温度 冷了去了感受 不真 冻结过（来）
来的去的在的难道 都奔 世界尽头
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New year gluttony.
salmon sashimi, maguro, fish roe, swordfish sashimi, cuttlefish, black chicken herbal soup, young papaya soup, shark's fin soup, crocodile soup, abalone steamed egg, fresh oyster, fresh prawn, crayfish, fresh snapper crab, seafood spaghetti, fried salted prawn, black pepper crab, scallop with garlic cream, tom yam red snapper, potato wedges, fresh abalone, pregnant fish, grilled fish, claypot abalone and mushroom, ribeye steak, chocolate chip and mint icecream, chocolate fondue (marshmallows, guava slices, cherry tomatoes with a chocolate fountain!), fresh strawberry juice, fruit punch, orange juice, peppermint tea, jasmine tea. +frozen chocolate from gelare.
This is gonna be one decadent year. (:
This is gonna be one decadent year. (:
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