My sun is eclipsed. Too easily, too often.

Bye bye hols.

I have been slacking my bum off for these two months. Academically, that is. OH DEAR. But its not like its unexpected anyway, so I am actually not bothered with it at all. To those who heard me complaining about my total lack of productivity, that’s because you started grousing in the first place, you poor stressed up things! I was only joining in the fun, after all, sorrow is easiest borne when shared, and its always good to blame other people and institutions once in a while. Curse NKF for sapping up my intellectual energies so completely that I didn’t even have the strength to do my lear essay! Damn MOH and mozzies for their worrisome dengue that took my mind off my zhuan ti zhuo ye!

Doesn’t make sense I know, but I guess that’s just how some people’s minds work. According to my cousin who picks up calls at NEA, some anti-dengue fanatics called to complain about water collecting at the barbecue pit in east coast. Since it was late and the officers had already gone home, my cousin suggested getting people down to clear it the next day. 3 hours later, the guy called again, asking why the people haven’t yet come. My problem isn’t about his over-the-top caution; it’s occasionally an admirable trait. Rather, my problem is about his skewed way of thinking. If you can wait for government officers for 3 hours, you can clear the water at the barbecue pit yourself in less than one eighth the time. Or if you are lazy, you can leave it to the forces of nature – evaporation. What’s the point of wasting time and human resources (not to forget the few cents for the call) to do something so meagre and simplistic? I can accept any point of view, optimistic, pessimistic, hedonistic, egoistic, voyeuristic (!!), whatever you can think of, as long as you give me a valid reason for whatever sort of personality pervasion you think you might have. I might not agree with you, but at least I would respect you as a person who makes connections across his synapses once in a while.

Of course, the person might just have been all too willing to spend his time waiting for proof of the gahmen’s inefficiency in this matter. He might just have been preparing a earful for the officers and then taking the chance to flaunt wide knowledge of all matters ranging from the gold tap bloodsuckers to a dissertation on the real value of peanuts. (it was 600 000 the last time I heard). Following that, he would then embark on a evaluation of his financial, social, and emotional states, all of whose inadequacies would come from one supreme source he believes exerts total control on his life. Encouraged by the officers’ silence, he spews more and more, until finally he loses control and lets out the magic words; ‘--- Sucks!’ This episode concludes with the lucky guy getting free food and lodging for as long as he can’t keep his trap shut.

Okay, enough of trying to get myself incriminated. I seem to like going against what I preach. *ahem* This has been quite a fruitful holiday in all ways but academic.

What I have been do-ING over the holidays.

Huang cheng!
Dao du ke –STONING
Work up to first proposal – BlOOD SUCKING
FDLM production – SIDE SPLITTING
Budget day- LIKE LIGHTNING
Drama camp – ZI HAI-ING
Lights lesson – EN-LIGHT-ening (hahaha)

Dance! One word. PONNING. xP

Outings!
Harry potter - DISAPPOINTING
Perhaps love – TWO SHOWS HAPPENING (:
Pride and prejudice- SLEEP INDUCING
Narnia – EVANGELIFYING
Chrismas dinner- INTOXICATING (literally!)
Stay over- STUFFING
K box with huang cheng – DEAFENING. (in some cases.)
Daoju chalet – not yet. But I predict. NIAOING.
Kbox with hc clique – PENDING.(you lousy pple!)

I can’t remember the rest. Oh well. That should teach me not to blog so little.

I wonder how I can lapse into this state of total immobility for so long and yet not feel compelled to do anything about it. I know I have many things to do, many appointments to make, many people to reconnect with. Yet all of these draw a blank as soon as free time comes in. All my energies are channeled into idle waiting. Sitting in front of my lap top, staring blankly as people come and go on msn, saying the occasional polite hi and lapsing into the usual enthused teasing that is so much a part of me my subconscious mind takes over. I try to smile as hahas and smileys fill the screen, hating myself more and more with each enter key. ‘Hi hello how are you.’ ‘yep, bye, see you later’ There is no joy in this. You have not come.

What am I waiting for? A beep or flash from a battered phone? Your msn nick to flash on a screen plastered with old fingerprints? No hint of glamour, no champagne and stars, no blue moon over glimmering waters on a starry night – just me waiting. And you.

Is there anything more pathetic than this?


sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.
maybe if i keep doing this i'll feel a little happier,
and forget how childish i have become.

there's always another day.
with or without you.

with or without me.

Mardi Gras

I stumbled upon you –
Feathered, fleeced, fluffed like fashion’s
Coronation of follies, Checklisted
As our eyes, purposed to
Peel the smooth layered exterior
Of that costume subterfuge.

Music chorused. Feathers and arms perfunctorily
Linked themselves, a temporary cell
Incongruous in its gaiety, at once twin and anti-thesis
To life’s dank and dark gallows.

Perhaps, beneath those smiling eyes
There would be- teary sheen of a mother’s hopes;
Closed lip – lash of a father’s wrath,
Dark brow – furrows of a sisterly love,
And stubborn nose – vengeful kisses of a lover’s tantrums.

Perhaps, underneath all that, there would be

you?