Scholar eh?

Scholarship interviews are really amusing things. Sitting in front of three interviewers fibbing more than you ever did in your entire life does not exactly lead to an accurate summation of your character, as the interviewers very well know but still continue doing, all to keep up MOE's ruse that one's character matters more than the single (or double) digit in your scholarship application form. Or so Barnard's theory says.

Yet, even with this single powerful piece of information, one cannot but help but be plagued with the nagging feeling that the MOE might one day wake up and start initiating TRUE meritocracy. And so there we were, killing ourselves over Iraq and Darfur and Sino-Japan relations, things we never even knew existed before the dratted interview.

It also explains the disheveled appearance of the newspapers in my house.

But whatever it is, the scholarship interviews were a very enlightening experience, having let me in on various snippets of 'classified' information which i would never have known otherwise.

Number one, discounting the hair (or grey-whitish fluff) , the head of the head of the college with the baggy green skirts sets me humming to the tune of 'Humpty Dumpty".

Number two, chinese interviewers like to prove their billingualism by reading up on Wordsworth the day before and popping questions about his works at the unsuspecting interviewee on the day of the interview. Upon discovering (not surprisingly) that the interviewee is less versed than he is on the writing style of the master, he gives a 'holier-than-thou' smile and proceeds with the next question.

Number three, when asked whether you would sell your soul to a paedophilic institution obsessed with torturing people younger than yourself, always answer in the affirmative. It is after all, polite, as doing otherwise would be to question the moralities of the three people before you; something which rational people don't do to their walking ATMs.

Number Four, unless in the most complimentary terms, avoid the word 'Government' or 'PAP'. Even more taboo is the discussion of these terms, implying that you know exactly whats going on (which in most cases, hardly casts you in a positive light). THAT is most antagonising for the MOE, since it renders their "i-know-more-than-you-do" stance ludicrous. To put it simple, it makes them look like thickos.

Number five, humans interviewers like people who think like Westerners and act like Asians. (aka. Western ideas, Asian values) but Lep interviewers like people who think like Asians and act like Asians (aka. little confucians). Therefore it is of utmost importance that you know your audience before you start thinking up your politically correct answers (read: fibs).

So this ends my discourse on scholarship interviews. Come to think of it, thats a lot of work to do for a meagre 2000 bucks. The government (oops!) is decidedly parsimonious. But then again, I don't think I am the kind of talent they are looking for. I just hope that i don't meet hodge anytime soon at the voiddeck, or my own words might just come back to haunt me.


(having fun being sarcastic here. not to be held accountable for any offensive or subversive comments in the process of self-ridicule. and most importantly: don't put my url within reach of any moe personnel! haha )